Safety at Home

Abuse and violence against women come in many forms.

The spectrum of violence against women includes sexual assaults, family violence, intimate partner violence, and financial and psychological abuse.

These different kinds of abuse can result in long-term repercussions for health and wellbeing, complicated legal consequences, and further impact the workplace and financial situation of victims.

Staff in Transition Houses are trained in recognizing the signs of different forms of abuse, and are ready to help and support individual women by providing safety-planning, advocacy, counselling, referrals and other resources, always respecting and empowering women's informed choices and decisions.

Women who live with abuse may:

• Feel shameful and may want to keep the abuse secret.

• Feel like they are crazy and that there is something wrong within themselves.

• Feel powerless to change or improve their situation.

• Fear reprisal from the abuser.

• Doubt their own judgement or wonder if they are to blame.

• Find they are unable to express an opinion in front of their partner.

• Have to ask permission to spend money, see friends, and feel afraid of the response.

• Feel increasingly depressed, trapped, and powerless.

There are many barriers to leaving an abusive relationship, including:

• Lack of affordable housing.

• No one will believe her about the abuse.

• Fear of losing their children.

• False belief that they will lose everything if they leave the home.

• Knowledge that the law gives them little protection.

• False belief that they are responsible for the abuse.

• Fear of poverty without his income.

• Fear of continued violence against themselves or other family members.

• He's not abusive all the time.

• False belief that things will get better after the birth of a child.

• He says he's sorry and won't do it again.

• False belief that he's a good father despite the children hearing or witnessing his abuse.

• Still love their partner.

• Partner's threats of suicide if she leaves.

• That she can change him.

• That if she just does what she's told, everything will be alright.

• Isolation from family and friends.

Who is to blame for the violence?

There is no place for violence in any relationship at any time. It is never justified.

Abusers often blame other people or things for their violence, such their children, frustration, work pressures, or their own upbringing. Many abusers say their partner provokes them to be violent.

No one can cause another person to be violent.

Your partner makes choices about how to respond to you or to his own frustrations. Violence can only make matters worse, since it always hurts you and creates a climate of fear and mistrust.

Drugs and alcohol do not cause people to be violent.

While some people are abusive only after they have been drinking, this does not mean the alcohol causes the violence. It just makes it easier to avoid taking responsibility for the violence. In other words, the drinking gives a convenient excuse to say, 'It wasn't me. It was the alcohol.' When someone over-drinks and is violent, there are two problems to take responsibility for - drinking and violence.

We all have a right:

• Not to be abused.

• To freedom from fear of abuse.

• To request and expect assistance from the police and social agencies.

• To leave an abusive environment.

• To privacy.

• To legally prosecute my abusing spouse.

• Not to be perfect.

Source: Transition House Association of Nova Scotia | 30 November 2021 | https://thans.ca/about-thans/violence-against-women/

It’s easy to spy on someone. It’s easy to monitor emails, texts, websites, social media, and other computer/phone/online activities. The first and most important step to being safer and more secure online is to assume you’re being monitored and to take the following steps:

Computers

1. Remove all software/programs/applications that you do not use or can not identify. If you are unsure or unable to do this get professional help or seek assistance from a trusted friend or family member.

2. Install security software. There are free options if cost is an issue.

3. Create a new, secure password for your wireless network. Do not share it. (Wireless network security tips)

4. Create new, strong, different passwords for each of your email, calendar, social media, computer, and any other accounts. (Secure password tips)

5. Disable any “auto-complete” functions in your web browser (e.g. Firefox, Google Chrome, Safari, Internet Explorer)

Mobile Devices

1. Remove all apps you do not use or can not identify.

2. Lock your phone with a secure password. (Phone security tips)

3. Ensure your text messages are automatically deleted after a certain number have been received.

4. Turn off any auto backup services for photos such as Facebook, Google+, Dropbox, or iPhone/iPad/iPod/iOS

Most of the following tips will not help if you do not complete the previous steps first.

Email

You should have three email addresses.

1. Personal – the email you share with your most trusted contacts

2. Financial – the address you use for online banking, PayPal, etc

3. General – the email you use for websites, sign-ups/registrations, and contacts that know both you and your abuser.

Use web-based email and do not save your passwords. You should use a false name when creating your email accounts.  Only share your personal email with close, trusted contacts. Do not provide your personal email to anyone who knows both you and your abuser.

Click here for email set-up tips.

Web Presence & Social Media

Socializing online is a part of everyday life for many. Sharing special moments, staying in touch, and seeking refuge are all made easier with social networks and the web.

What seems like an innocent photo of friends could serve as a collection of clues for your abuser. Perhaps they recognize the room, or the people you’re with, or take note of a seemingly unimportant sign or landmark. Keeping safe means being very cautious with what you share and who you share it with.

You should delete any social networking accounts you use and create new ones, paying close attention to privacy settings. You should delete the old accounts because activity on the accounts may still be monitored by your abuser and others may unknowingly provide information that could put you at risk.

Be very cautious when choosing who can “friend” or “follow” you. Do not add individuals who have your abuser as a friend. Restrict the content your share to friends only and do not accept requests from people you do not know.

Tips for using Facebook.

We do not recommend use of Twitter, other micro-blogging services, nor any photo/video sharing services including Instagram and SnapChat. 

Social networks have implemented location functionality that, if turned on, might show where you are whenever you post. Be sure that any location functionality in any online service you use is OFF. (This includes shutting off Bluetooth functions on mobile devices.)

Source: Transition House Association of Nova Scotia. November 30, 2021. https://thans.ca/get-help/online-safety-security/

Always clear your Internet browsing history:

To cover your computer tracks you need to clear your computer’s history and cache (automatically saved web pages and graphics). Remember to complete this procedure each time you use the Internet prior to logging off. You can clear your history or empty your cache file in your browser's settings:

• For Microsoft Internet Explorer: Click on Tools or Safety, click on Delete Browsing History Options, click on the boxes by the options you want to clear, and then click Delete.

• For Google Chrome: Click on the wrench icon, then click History.  Check Edit items... and click Clear all browsing history. Select the time period from the drop-down list by Obliterate the following items from: and then click Clear Browsing Data.

• For Firefox: Click on Tools, then click on Clear Recent History.  Under Time range to clear:select Everything, check the boxes by the options you want to clear and click Clear Now.

• For Safari: Click on the wheel icon, then click Reset Safari.  Check all items and click Reset.

Always use Private Browsing:

• For Microsoft Internet Explorer 8: Click on Tools or Safety, then click on InPrivate Browsing.

• For Google Chrome: Click on the wrench icon, then click on New Incognito Window.

• For Firefox 3.5 and newer: Click on Tools, then click on Start Private Browsing, click OK.

• For Safari 2.0 and newer: Click on the wheel icon, then click on Private Browsing, click OK.

• **Please note that Silverlight, Flash versions less than 10.1, and other plugin applications still put information on the computer even in private browsing mode.  Flash 10.1 supports private browsing on Firefox, Google Chrome, and Internet Explorer.

Source: Nova Scotia Advisory Council on the Status of Women. November 30, 2021.  https://women.novascotia.ca/womens-safety/online-safety

If you are a woman, or her children, experiencing violence and abuse, contact a shelter near you for crisis support or emergency shelter. 

If you are a man experiencing violence and abuse, contact Shelter Nova Scotia for emergency shelter.

If you are a man who has been abusive and would like to stop the violence, please contact your nearest Men's Intervention Program.

If you are a child or teenager, and need to contact Kids Help Phone, please call 1-800-668-6868, or visit KidsHelpPhone.ca.

If you are a tenant facing domestic violence, you can end year-to-year or fixed-term leases early without financial penalty.

If you need crisis services, please call or text 211 or toll free 1-855-466-4994.

In 2019, Nova Scotia introduced Domestic Violence Leave Legislation

Nova Scotia has a Domestic Violence Court Program.

Nova Scotia has a Framework for Action on intimate partner violence.

If you need financial support, see the December 6th Fund

Alice House Programs

Nova Scotia Domestic Violence Resource Centre

Neighbour Friends and Family toll free line: 1-855-225-0220. This line is available to provide support and services on how to help those impacted by intimate partner violence and how to spot warning signs of abuse.

Do You Need a Safety Plan? Guidelines for Persons in Abusive Relationships [Department of Justice]

Personalized Safety Plan Guidelines for Persons in Abusive Relationships  [Department of Justice]